Summer Camp

In a few short days my family and I will be going to summer camp. We'll be there all summer long, and for me, the excitement is mounting, along with the sheer terror of tackling the unknown. Let me back-track....

This has been nothing short of the fulfillment of a life-long dream for my husband and me. We actually met at this same camp in 1993, so it holds a special meaning for us. After a year long courtship, we married the following summer, and have always hoped and prayed that one day we would be able to have a camping ministry. It would take almost 15 years for that dream to become a reality in the very camp that started it all, Camp Pinnacle near Albany, NY. After meeting with the new camp director and his wife last year, we began seriously praying about becoming a part of the ministry. In a strange coincidence, the summer camp ministry director we were replacing just happened to be Bill's old baseball coach. Through emails with him and the directors, we slowly saw the Lord's plan begin to take shape.

The camp itself is nothing short of spectacular. It was founded in the early 1900's as a Christian girls' retreat and has since grown to include boys, horseback riding, archery, skateboarding, low and high ropes, running, swimming, fishing, atv's, paintball, a gym, a conference center and some incredible acreage on the top of a beautiful mountain in the Helderbergs. The gorgeous natural setting provides a backdrop for real ministry in the lives of the campers and staff members. This camp has always been God's work, and he has allowed us to be a part of it!

So here's where my fears set in. What an amazing burden it is to be in charge of a summer program that could be the first time someone has an opportunity to become a Christian! What if I'm not good enough at witnessing, mentoring, leading.... etc.? What if I mess this up? It's almost too good to believe that I'm going back there, so I'm afraid that something must go wrong. There has to be a catch.

Luckily for me, there is not much time for me to fret and worry. We are busily packing and tying up loose ends before leaving. I know that my part of this awesome ministry is not what matters, it's God's plan and he's going to work it out through the people he's called to work there. I'm just so thankful he's called me.

Guilt vs. Love

I was reading last night's post (That's a capital "T"...) and reflecting. What a ridiculous way to live my life! Of all the motivating factors I could choose, why would I choose guilt? Here's the thing: I do choose to live with guilt. It does not choose me. I have chosen to allow guilt to rule my decisions, and believed the fallacy that without it, I would have no self-control. This allows me to "excuse" my repeated bad behavior by talking about how "guilty" it makes me feel. Is there any way that feeling guilty can make me a better person? Obviously not! I have somehow managed to live my life thus far without improving any of my procrastinating ways, regardless of how much guilt I heap upon myself. The lunacy of this thinking pattern is obvious!

Not only does my guilt not change me for the better, it also restrains me from truly seeking the Lord's will for my life. I don't do what I should do for fear of not being worthy, not being good enough. What makes me think I'm good enough to witness to a person who obviously needs the Lord's grace? What makes me think I'm good enough to get my graduate degree so I can futher help my family financially? Or even, (referring to last night's post) what makes me think I'm good enough to enjoy the pool table I just purchased? I know I'm not good enough, but instead of embracing the grace given to me through Christ, I hold onto my guilt and try not to live like the true child of God that I am. This is not how God meant for me to live!

He sent his son so I could have abundant life (in other words, to actually enjoy the life he has given me). I am essentially refusing his gift of grace by holding on to my cruddy guilt. It has been like the proverbial "security blanket" Linus drags around with him in the comic strip "Peanuts." The problem is, my guilt security blanket cannot cover my sin, make me a new person, or free me to live the life I've been called to live. It is a sign of my arrested spiritual development, and it must go.

But what will take its place? My fears? My sense of duty? I recall a teacher of the law in Mark asking Christ which commandment (guideline or motivation for how to live life) was the most important of all. Jesus' response was "Love..." I am told to let love for God, and then other people set the standard for my actions. Not guilt. Not obligations. Love.

So which is easier? Which is the path of least resistance? Guilt. But which is freeing? Which is infinitely more fulfilling and true? Love. So I'm choosing love in the same way that I've chosen guilt up until this moment. I'm embracing Christ and his incredible gift of grace right this instant, and I'm refusing to let guilt have a place in my life. "Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!" II Cor. 9:15